Aberdeen’s BIG three points at Tynecastle gets the Joel Sked treatment in this weekend’s Premiership recap.
VICTORY! Screamed the front page of a leaflet I was handed as I bounced along to Tynecastle hungover, self-loathing at a solid six out of 10 but confident that this was going to be a fine afternoon of soccer entertainment. We are after all Heart of Midlothian. Hearts. The Jam Tarts. The Famous. The Gorgie fucking Boys.
I wanted to embrace the gentleman. Pull him in close and tight, while bellowing victory like Johnny Drama’s fictitious character in Entourage. He would be swept up in my enthusiasm and we would traipse through Gorgie chanting victory, the crowds following our lead. But no I acknowledged him with a nod of the head and began to inspect the leaflet. Reading material. I wouldn’t have to move funds around in my offshore account to purchase an official programme.
‘Football is loved by millions worldwide. It arouses fierce passions and loyalty. Whether we are following our national or local team we want them to be victorious. Although our team may be limited in their ability, as long as they give one hundred percent they can count on our wholehearted support.’
Is this an excerpt from a Michael Gannon column in the Daily Record?
‘Life can be like a football match – two opposing teams – good and evil, right and wrong, righteousness and sin, God and Satan. Whether we know it or not we are all on one side or the other. We all like to think that we are on God’s side, on the side of good, on our way to Heaven, supporting the winning team.’
Well, I did not see that coming. Life? What is life? On a Sunday, this is too much. Turn around, get in the car, go home, climb into bed, put on Weekend at Bernie’s and break out the Ben and Jerry’s. Satan won’t find me there. But no, press on. Good, right and righteousness. Check, check and check. Hearts, Hearts and Hearts. God? We’ll leave that to Juwon. Repent, Juwon. Repent for your punch.
After falling to Satan worshippers Willie Collum and John Hughes in the previous two outings, Hearts had to get God back on their side for the meeting with rampant Aberdeen. If they won then their title chances would rise like Lazarus from the ashes (I have absolutely no idea what I am writing here); defeat and they would burn in the depths of hell, while strengthening Aberdeen’s conviction as not only title challengers but potential winners.
With Morgaro Gomis still unavailable but Miguel Pallardo back from injury Robbie Neilson sent out what was a tantalising midfield trio of the aforementioned Spanish ‘baller’, Prince Buaben and Jamie Walker behind a three-man strike force. Aberdeen lined up with 11 good players to play good football in a good structure. Likely anticipating a Hearts front two, McInnes started with a back three but soon changed to a back four as Shay Logan dropped back to right back and Graham Shinnie pushed into midfield after a bright start from the home side. McInnes realised his team weren’t going to be as effective with the trio of centre backs.
Not that at any point they looked uncomfortable. One of the most commendable qualities of this Aberdeen team is there ability to look comfortable at all time. The change was simply designed to extract more production from the players on the field. It is testament to the coaching of Derek McInnes and Tommy Docherty as well as the understanding and adaptability of the Aberdeen players that they can make system changes so effortlessly without losing momentum.
The positive Hearts start was soon tempered and it wasn’t long before Aberdeen had the lead. A simple ball into the corner was chased by David Goodwillie and Callum Paterson. Paterson is the kind of guy who lays his eyes on something and gets really excited. Like a kid who sees the ice cream van, goes chasing after it and gets run over by a car. Instead the ball is the ice cream truck and Paterson is in the car and he needlessly runs over the kid, Goodwillie, to get to it.
A free-kick that should not have been given away soon ended up in the back of the net after Goodwillie outmanoeuvred Pallardo in the box to head the ball at goal. This is where mistake number three – if we are including Pallardo’s flimsiness as mistake number two – comes into play. Alexander could have thrown the bunnet he wears when out with his great-grandchildren on the ball and it would have stopped it, yet he somehow let the ball creep under his hand.
That defending was stout, resolute, competent compared to what was to follow. A Hearts attack broke down on the edge of the box and within seconds Aberdeen were tearing into the space vacated at the back. Going a goal down to the Dons is a very dangerous game. They are intelligent, crafty and ruthless. A quick, slick but simple passing move saw Niall McGinn released down the left. Blazej Augustyn did well to chase after him and had him pinned in at the corner flag before opting to try body him, completely missing ball and man and the Northern Irish man nipped it through his legs.
McGinn still had a lot of work yet he had already become invincible, picking up possession had the same effect as Mario picking up a super star. He fooled Paterson with the most embarrassing shuffle since Nigel Winterburn shat himself from Paolo di Canio. It is actually quite hard to describe how easy it was for McGinn to drop the shoulder and be on his way to the goal. In lower division matches in Italy Paterson would be investigated for match-fixing. Alim Ozturk was next up in the competition to be voted most inept. Like a kid just starting out in football, ‘there’s the ball and a player on the opposition running . . . Oh grass!!!!!’ 2-0. As terrific as the run and finish were, it was equally pathetic from the home defence.
At this point myself and those I stand with begun to discuss the merits of a monkey over Paterson at right-back. It was game over. You have to go back to the first day of March for the last time Aberdeen had conceded two goals in a league game. That day the Dandies conceded four goals at Celtic Park. Soon Hearts themselves would have to score four if they were to win the game. And once again it was far too easy for Aberdeen to pries open the home side. A horrible free-kick – one of many – failed to beat the first man, Goodwillie scrambled the ball to Peter Pawlett and Aberdeen were off. Pawlett found McGinn who once again couldn’t believe his luck, one v one against Pallardo with half the pitch in front of him. He knocked the ball around the labouring Spaniard with ease before displaying the composure and awareness to find Goodwillie, who had exploded all the way up the pitch. Alexander slipped and Goodwillie took a touch, and another, then another before caressing the ball into the bottom corner.
The goal had the same effect as running into the stands at Tynecastle and screaming “FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!” While I had the displeasure of looking to the away end and seeing one fan lift his top up and start fingering his belly button. What is it with Aberdeen fans and their bellies?
Questions have to be asked why Pallardo was the player kept back when 1) he is slower than me getting my point across and 2) already on a booking. But then that is far down on the questions Robbie Neilson would have to answer. But we shall get to that soon. We still have a second half to digest.
Unsurprisingly Gavin Reilly, who has so far looked out of his depth, stayed indoors to be replaced by Sam Nicholson. Hearts pushed the big men into attack and took to the skies for an aerial attack. Danny Ward clattered into Juanma shortly before Igor Rossi scrambled in from a corner. It was the only time Aberdeen looked vulnerable, when the home side started shelling long balls towards the front men. McInnes soon reverted to a back three; pragmatism and sensibility, the Hearts resistance soon fizzled out.
It was the Dons who should have extended their lead not once but twice. More jocular defending gave Pawlett and McGinn fantastic chances but poor finishing allowed Alexander to keep the difference at two. Augustyn was increasingly looking like Mr Goma; the fella who turned up to the BBC for a job interview before being mistaken for an IT expert and interviewed on live TV. ‘I have no idea what I am doing here’.
And that was that. Aberdeen moved onto 24 points with their eight league win in succession. They were excellent without dominating the ball and overwhelming Hearts with swashbuckling attacking football. It was the way in which they controlled the game through controlling space and the intensity which they brought to the game. The midfield of Ryan Jack, Pawlett, McGinn, Shinnie and McLean charged around not letting Hearts have time or space to play in. This intensity coupled with the structure and organisation makes it extremely difficult to play between the lines. That way the defence are not exposed or pulled wide.
The man of the match was David Goodwillie. When you talk about strikers leading from the front that is exactly what Goodwillie did. Not only did he notch two goals but he set the tempo for Aberdeen’s pressing by constantly chasing and harrying the Hearts centre backs. They may have towered over him but he gave as good as he got, at times using his strength to bully them and at other times his intelligence to win free-kicks. He is in effect a nightmare to play against when he is in such a mood. Like one of those toys where the ferret is attached to the ball.
As for Hearts, Neilson reprised his role as Wayne Szalinski. Honey, I Shrunk the Kids, Honey, I Blew Up the Kid, Honey, I pished about with the team and made a cunt of it. The title may need a bit of work but another big game and Neilson is once again found wanting. From the 3-5-2 against Hibs last season to the diamond against Dundee to this unusual 4-2-1-3 with three out and out strikers. While Osman Sow was excellent as the main striker, Juanma played like a lumbering centre forward out wide. Gavin Reilly? Sigh. Not for me, Clive. While McGinn terrified and terrorised, Jamie Walker flattered to deceive. He is still searching for the consistency which he found against weaker opposition. Hearts are still waiting for him to arrive as the talisman.
You begin to wonder what happens in these double and triple sessions. When Neilson tries something completely new the players come across as if they have never witnessed daylight, let alone a spherical shape which moves. With such a line-up you expected Hearts to pin back Aberdeen but Reilly and Juanma spent too much time chasing back rather than forcing their opponents back. It’s a fine balance between trusting your players to deliver by concentrating on their qualities and preparing for the opposition. In the big games Neilson has not delivered.
‘When the final whistle of the football match blows and our team has won, we can celebrate the victory. When the final whistle of life is blown and death is before us, we who know the Lord Jesus Christs have no because the Bible clearly says –
‘. . . Death is swallowed up in victory. O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is the victory? But thanks be to God, which giveth us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.’
Celtic followed up a solid display in Amsterdam during the week with a trouncing of Dundee at Parkead. More than anything, it is a result that says ‘hey, we’re still here and we are still good enough to scud the simpletons of the league’. Let’s be honest, it is a result Celtic are capable of pulling out the bag more than once a season, one in which you can’t imagine Aberdeen recording. Tom Rogic was instrumental behind Leigh Griffiths, influencing the game like he hasn’t done during his Celtic career.
Ronny Deila appears keen on his qualities, and with some of the club’s game-changing talent off the boil he needs the likes of Rogic to become protagonists. Rogic got on the scoresheet, while Leigh Griffiths could have had a first half hat-trick. The striker is one of the best around at taking the ball in his stride with the outside of his foot but at times it can be let down by his composure as he tries to hit the ball with his driver when a putter is the better option. Emilio Izaguirre just failed to score the first hat-trick of his career after turning into Stuart Pearce. At least he could smile at his circumstance after trying to burrow his way out of Celtic Park.
Dundee put up as much resistance as Donald Gennaro did when lifted off the shitter by the T-Rex in Jurassic Park. The most disheartening aspect for Paul Hartley would have been how his team simply failed to compete. They could have been four down before the 20 minute mark with a general acceptance of their fate. Their defending was as pathetic as witnessed at Tynecastle earlier that day.
That Ross County are no bad, eh? Then again, that Partick Thistle are no very good, eh? The game was clearly bad going by Jim McIntyre’s comments, “It wasn’t the prettiest of games. I don’t think there was great quality shown by either side.” But what Ross County do have is quality service from the wide areas and a potent striker in Liam Boyce. It does not help your case when you are struggling if you leave said striker free in the middle of the box barely six yards from goal. Coaching manuals certainly would not recommend such a strategy. The finger has to be pointed at Callum Booth who failed to tuck in on Boyce, the most dangerous man in the area. An arrestable defensive offence.
It is safe to say that County won’t be involved in any relegation battle this year. Thistle will. They have failed to score in seven of eight games. There is a much more serious problem than a lack of luck. The sensible decision is of course to drop the most dangerous player from the previous week – Robbie Muirhead must be a real pest with his conspiracy theories if he isn’t being trusted. With goals at a premium Dan Seaborne has taken it on himself to morph into one of the Bash Brothers from the Mighty Ducks.
Gary Locke winning. Again. Hearts up next in the League Cup. Oh no. I’m scared. If the worst happens, tell my mum I am sorry that I have been such a disappointment. What a header from Big Bad Josh though. It has to be said going by highlights they look like they are improving. Who knew that not partnering Jamie Hamill with Scott Robinson would provide better results?
Tommy Wright bemoaned his defence once again. He went full anti-Pulis with four full-backs in the back four. They appeared ragged and very un-St Johnstone like, especially when they opened up and allowed the likes of Rory McKenzie to drive through the centre of the pitch. Not to worry, I think they will prevail at Ibrox in the League Cup. 3-1 is my prediction.
Connie McLaughlin was at Tannadice so we saw the bare minimum from the game. I was unsure on Scott Fraser the first couple of times seeing him but he looks like he could be the real deal. He appears a bit ungainly as an attacking midfielder but he supports the play well and his through ball in the build-up to Billy McKay’s goal was sumptuous. It will be interesting to see what position will become his.
Yet, they still couldn’t prevail. That’s what happens when you allow Ryan Christie time to cross the ball and fail to mark Josh Meekings. In his pre-match interview John Hughes said “I will take that old day long, dominating the ball, total possession”. Seconds later the stats showed United had 51 per cent of possession. Quite.
Go back to May. Motherwell were sensational against Rangers. Lose Stevie Hammell, lose Stephen Pearson, lose Lee Erwin, replace them with . . . *shrugs* and you get days like Saturday. Well had their chances but had issues with their shape, while allowing Dougie Imrie to beat the full-back in the air for a looping cross. You may be in trouble, Bara. *sees League Cup score* You are definitely in trouble.
The last team to beat Hamilton at New Douglas Park? Aberdeen in February. The next team at New Douglas Park? Celtic.