Six members of The Terrace Podcast team pick their favourite moments from the Scottish football weekend. Includes .GIFs and hilarity.
Craig Fowler
Some people don’t laugh at football. They spend games acting like commentators or analysts, sitting there with a stony face following the misguided belief that football is ‘serious business’. I am the opposite of this. There is rarely a game where I don’t have a good giggle at some sort of football slapstick, which is perhaps why I enjoy the Scottish brand as much as I do. Why wouldn’t you laugh when someone makes a complete fool of themselves in public? Because they get paid thousands of pounds per week to do the opposite? That’s as good a reason as any! And what other action could possibly have followed Steven Thompson’s penalty on Friday night at?
Comedy is all about surprise. That’s why the best jokes rely on misdirection. The audience thinks the comedian is going one way, and the performer surprises them by going in a completely different direction. And who would have guessed Thompson, instead of hitting his penalty like he was trying to score, would punt it over the bar like he was a centre back defending his six yard box in the final minute?
Ten minutes later Thompson skulked from the field having been substituted. Our hero did not deserve such indignity. Football is all about entertainment and he delivered with aplomb.
Joel Sked
If the current Sportscene was a Twitter account it would be one of the best out there in terms of Scottish football. A parody account which isn’t actually a parody. It’s the real thing. Which makes it even more amusing. This weekend we had further terribly great television.
As Sportscene do everything in their power to show as little football as possible – what football they do show can leave you in a state of confusion with constant changing of camera angles – it can prompt moments that leave you astounded that the producers believe are better than actual football. It seems like Connie Mclaughlin’s feature that offers very little in the way of hindsight is here to stay. So expect more moments like the following:
CM (talking to a young St Johnstone fan): Who is your favourite player?
Kid: John Sutton.
CM: Why do you like him?
Kid: I dunno. Cool name.
That actually happened. Aside from the utter pointlessness, what is the kid thinking? Michael O’Halloran is a cool name. Zander Clark a cool name. But John Sutton. John. Sutton. Thanks Sportscene.
Gary Cocker
I love it when a goalkeeper dashes up the pitch for a corner. It’s as surreal and chaotic as setting an octopus loose in an office, and it’s as ballsy a move as a manager can make. It’s therefore usually reserved for the final minute or so of games of real importance, like knock-out ties or World Cup games; one of the last places I was expecting it to crop up was in the second league weekend of the season at Fir Park.
Although it backfired on Motherwell – young goalie Connor Ripley, who’d had a magnificent game, couldn’t convert the chaos factor into a goal and United raced up the park to double their lead – I admire Ripley for giving it a bash and Baraclough for thinking “why not?”. The worst case scenario, which did come to pass, was losing another goal; had it worked out, the extra point and morale boost could’ve ended up being very important. It’s a relatively risk-free gamble to take when you’re one goal down, so here’s hoping we see a bit more bravery from the other ‘keepers in the league.
Kris Jack
You’ve got to feel for Louis Lang, you really do.
Having signed on a permanent deal at Fir Park over the summer, the former Nottingham Forest defender would have been looking at a first season proper in Lanarkshire to banish any memories of the relegation scrap that his previous calamitous moments ushered in.
Being sent off on his debut and being a part of some of the most slapstick defending the Scottish top flight has ever seen (Pittodrie, anyone?), the centre back has miraculously looked the most composed and confident player in the Well backline since that play off victory. Granted, that’s akin to being most handsome man in the burns unit, but his efforts up until the 83rd minute on Saturday, had been those of a much improved player, to the point he was most ‘Well fans’ man of the match. It speaks volumes for his marked improvement that he has suffered no abuse or complaint from the Well faithful in doing so, unlike last season where he’d have been hung out to dry in the stands and on the forums.
Maybe it’s down to the rare optimism coming out of Fir Park right now, but his first OG of the season couldn’t have come at a better time. It’s out the way now, and as hilarious as his gaffes had been last term, here’s hoping Laing is more sure-footed than clown-shoe for the rest of the season.
Tony Anderson
On Saturday I received a tweet from someone named Tam Scobbie. He was replying something put out from The Terrace account regarding my ‘slamming’ of Scobbie’s defending at Callum Paterson’s goal for Hearts in St Johnstone’s 4-3 defeat last week. ‘What the f**k would you know?’ came the reply from a Mr Scobbie while I was in attendance at the Dumbarton-Hibs game. Unfortunately the Tweet has been deleted and my battery ran out due to serious WhatsApp and gambling sessions before I could retort.
On closer inspection when I sobered up on Sunday and remembered what I received I went searching for big Tam. There were, as you can imagine, many people with this name. None of them seemed to be the footballer! So I’m thinking one of our brilliant fans was trying to wind me up and get me excited.
If it was you Tam, then the answer is I don’t know much. But I know not to play offside when you are practically defending your penalty spot and the attacking player is running towards you. In front of you. You can see him. Right there. In FRONT of you! Don’t vacate the only place he can run. Furthermore, I am a nobody, don’t waste your time explaining yourself to me. Save your breath for Tommy Wright. Who, while seems like a nice man, you can imagine is scary when he loses his temper. He would have lost his temper at this.
If it was a Terracist, please let us know who! Otherwise I may have been so drunk this is all in my mind.
I think I need professional help.
Craig Cairns
Last week’s results had many tipping Dundee to continue their eye-catching start to the season with victory at home to Hearts. The respective managers had kept their cards close to their chest in the week leading up to the match. Paul Hartley conveniently failed to mention that Rory Loy was struggling with an injury, while Robbie Neilson openly admitted pre-match that he’d lied when claiming new signing Juwon Oshaniwa wasn’t ready for selection.
Oshinawa did start, on the left of a back four with Igor Rossi moving into central defence. Alim Öztürk was then deployed in front of the back four to deny Greg Stewart, Kane Hemmings and…Loy space. Dundee’s change in shape from the previous week had, thus, rendered Hearts’ preparations useless and by half-time they trailed to a Hemmings header.
Neilson described that it took until half-time to regroup, change the shape and take the game to their opponents. Shortly after the break, Juanma made up for an earlier miss by sending Scott Bain the wrong way from the spot before netting, what proved to be the winner, seven minutes later.
The Spanish striker instinctively pounced upon a loose ball, finding himself behind the Dundee defence. He then bore down on goal, calmly checking inside to avoid a sliding challenge from Julen Etxabeguren and ignoring the goalkeeper and another impending challenge in his periphery. By the time Juanma had placed the ball into the net, the goalkeeper and two defenders were on the deck and the game had swung in Hearts’ favour.
It was not too dissimilar from the way he opened the scoring versus St Johnstone the previous week. In both he has picked up a loose ball and driven towards goal instantly, in both he has shut everything extraneous and irrelevant out his mind and in both he has, like a typical foreigner, remained calm and composed before sliding the ball past the goalkeeper.
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