The signs are there. Winter is coming. The most irritating Desmond since that Scottish guy appeared in Lost hit the country last week, flooding roads, blowing over bins and causing havoc to the Scottish football fixture card. By the time the kick-offs came my coupon was depleted, but when your betting history is the equivalent of Claude Anelka’s success in football management it made little difference. Note to self: don’t trust other people’s tips, don’t trust Dundee United and most importantly don’t trust yourself.
Amidst all of that it was ascertained that parts of the Forth Road Bridge are pieced together by Cheestrings. I am no structural engineer but I don’t think that is a suitable cheese to use. Surely there would be more longevity out of a sturdier queso, such as Babybel – plus the adverts for the latter cheese were much more fun than that capricious Cheestring character.
While people prone to hysterics – DO NOT make any sexist comments, Joel – took to social media to vent about the ramifications of the bridge being shut until New Year, those with a more analytical mind were able to envisage what this could mean for the future of Scotland and civilisation. When I think of Fife I think of wildlings and White Walkers, desolation and debauchery. Forget about the building of a new bridge, the restoration of the old one and heck let’s just barricade the rail bridge. Build a wall. The Wall. Employ a Night’s Watch and let the Fifers roam free with their esoteric English, laissez-faire approach to personal hygiene and questionable relations between family members.
How does this relate to the weekend’s Premiership action? It doesn’t.
After the recent Gorgie renaissance Aberdeen fell to their rightful place behind Edinburgh’s grandest, biggest and most successful football club. This drop came only a matter of weeks after the Dandy Dons arrived at Tynecastle and sucker punched the stylish Jam Tarts to lay down their title credentials. Yet, that turned out to be the high point, alongside their victory over Celtic, in their early formidable form and the Dons reverted to type, failing to reach expectations.
But three wins and a draw from the last four has lifted the club, which still dines out on a minor European triumph in the days when kids ran free, witches were burned and even before I was mistakenly conceived. On Saturday Aberdeen did not beat Real Madrid but they did sweep aside Paul Hartley’s Dundee with a fine first half performance. Imposing themselves on the game early on, Derek McInnes’s men swarmed all over the Dees and both goals were a product of forthright pressing.
A simple long ball into the channel was chased by Adam Rooney and he put Julen Etxabeguren under sufficient pressure, forcing the Spaniard into making a mess of his pass back. From the resulting corner Scott Bain failed to catch a simple cross. While excuses could be made with regards to the conditions, it was the perfect height and with little spin, a blizzard could have been rampaging off the Tay and he would still have been expected to catch it. He redeemed himself with a save but from the second corner Niall McGinn swept the Dons into the lead. Aberdeen had clearly been working on their set pieces with an number of players making an early run in, back out then back in opening spaces in the Dundee box.
After a fine second half performance against Ross County the previous week McGinn appears to have been revived following a recent slump. He was excellent in the first half constantly driving at the hapless Paul McGinn and setting the tempo for Abedeen’s constant forays forward.
The second goal arrived deservedly with Kenny McLean taking the credit for his pressing of Paul McGowan. With a everyone bar the two centre halves the wrong side of the ball McLean was able to force McGowan to turn towards his own goal then rob him of the ball. Possession was worked left and then to the right and with Dundee still recovering their shape a late run from Jonny Hayes saw him pick up the ball in space and fire it across the six-yard box for Adam Rooney to tap home.
Dundee were flat, both in system and performance. There was little energy or cohesion. Greg Stewart was ineffectual on the left and the midfield were too square as McLean was able to get goal side time and again to get possession in dangerous areas. The home side were starved of possession with Aberdeen’s confidence returning in droves. The Dons’ performance was dominant and they had earned the right to play on the counter-attack in the second half.
Peter Pawlett, on for McGinn at half-time, was the ideal player in such a situation. Playing between the middle and the left-hand side he was back to something approaching his buccaneering best form of the 2013/2014 season. Exploding into space, he was driving, dipping and ducking past players. McGinn was put through the washing machine a few times as Aberdeen and Pawlett should have made the scoreline more emphatic.
McGinn really did put in a bizarre display. From being incapable of taking a throw-in to forgetting how to use his legs. It was a Sunday morning full-back outing after a mad one the previous night.
‘Out for a few tonight, Paul?’
‘Nah, mate. Football tomorrow. Just a couple of pints with a few coupons and the scores.’
Twelve hours later, after splurging £250 on an assortment of bombs – Buckie, skittle and jaeger – the strippers and McDonalds having been forcibly removed from Liquid & Envy, McGinn finds himself standing naked in his parents’ room. He thinks he’s Han Solo. He scoops up the family dog snuggles, “PUNCH IT, CHEWIE!!”, throwing it from the bedroom window while his parents watch on in horror.
Dundee, as a team, weren’t quite so incompetent in the second half. They did begin to create chances towards the end of the game with the caveat that even they seemed to have accepted their doomed fate. Unsurprisingly it was Stewart who was the player making positive situations happen having reverted to a roving role from the right of the attack. The worry for Hartley is that the attacking burden, certainly in chance creation, often falls on the shoulders of Stewart.
St Johnstone. For so long a shrug of the shoulders club. They would never feature high on a list of Scottish football fans’ most disliked clubs, while they are too . . . vanilla to be universally liked or admired. You open the fridge and they are the cheddar cheese. Not a Vieux Boulogne which assaults the senses or Feta cheese which is good with anything. I see Feta in the fridge and my life gets that little bit better. Cheddar cheese? Ehhh, better than nothing.
But each passing week they are becoming the neutral’s favourites. They are not on television enough! After an indifferent start to the season they have won nine of their last 11, taking them to a solitary point behind third place and into the semi-final of the League Cup. Twenty seven goals have been notched yet only one clean sheet. Entertaining, enterprising with arguably the most exciting player in the league, Michael O’Halloran.
Yet, the Flash as he shall now be known had one of his quieter games on Saturday in Dingwall. Instead it was the man on the opposite flank who rose to the occasion. David Wotherspoon is a prototype St Johnstone player. Completely inoffensive. Nice even. But for the first goal he mugged off goalkeeper Gary Woods. Receiving a back pass County’s number two deliberated too long, cannoning the ball off Wotherspoon who took the decision to close down the back pass with the desired result. In fairness to Woods, he was not helped by his team mates who simply ball-watched; Marcus Fraser could have made an angle for him to play the ball short and build again.
Fraser was guilty again of ball watching with Jackson Irvine and Liam Boyce for Wotherspoon’s second. Wotherspoon teased Stewart Murdoch with a couple of stepovers to create the space to cut in and fire past Woods. One of the trio of players ball watching could have helped Murdoch by doubling up on the Saints wide man not allowing him the space to step into. Woods again was partly at fault with the ball at a suitable height to palm over the bar. It is a type of goal Wotherspoon is capable of scoring more of. He went close against Dundee with a similar effort but he has the skill and shooting ability to score from that position on a more frequent basis.
Last season, that would have been that as a contest. Instead there is a fragility to St Johnstone which endears them to the neutrals further. Liam Boyce got ahead of Joe Shaughnessy to get on the end of Jackson Irvine’s fine cross before Murray Davidson comically put the ball into his own net.
County have been struggling of late with only two wins in the last nine league games. A big component of their 4-4-2 is the service from the wide areas but with Michael Gardyne missing, Raffaele De Vita faltering and Jonathan Franks inconsistent Jim McIntyre has had to chop and change, eventually switching to a diamond midfield with the introduction of Alex Schalk – for a more in-depth look at the game from a tactical point of view read John Maxwell at Narey’s Toepoker.
Tommy Wright suggested County were the team more likely to win the game but then up popped Dave Mackay with one of the worst free-kick goals you will see this season. By the time the ball had crossed the line it was nearer the centre of the goal than the post and nearly bounced before actually making it to the net. The wall crumbled like a fine piece of Feta cheese, Jackson Irvine ducking then throwing his pony tail at the ball as he realised what he had just done. Woods again should have done better by actually attempting to dive.
When the teams were announced for Kilmarnock v Dundee United the person in charge of the team line-up graphics for Sportscene must have been considering a career change. It was 4-2-3-1 v 3-4-1-2 and before long Dundee United found themselves in a similar position, losing. Moved to the right flank Josh Magennis sent in a tantalising cross for Kris Boyd to easily finish. Up against Magennis was Paul Dixon who was clearly panicked by Josh’s pace, backing off ready to run with him to the bye-line. This created the space for the Northern Irishman to whip in the cross.
The United back three were statuesque, as they were moments later when Magennis’s long throw bounced in the six yard box and to the back post where Tope Obadeyi’s effort was clawed away by Michal Szromnik. In both instances Mark Durnan had the same enthusiasm as an arthritis-ridden ageing cat. The ball was like a laser-pen which the cat used to chase with boundless disregard for its own stupidity. Now when it is flashed in its vicinity the cat looked at it in pity, focused solely on eating and sleeping until the sweet relief of death.
Fortunately for Mixu Paatelainen’s side they were helped towards the equaliser. Jamie MacDonald should have pushed Florent Sinama-Pongolle’s free-kick further away from goal even it did bounce right in front of him. Billy Mckay, still displaying his liveliness in and around the box, reacted quickest and played the ball across the goal where Ryan McGowan had little invitation to hit the deck. The more I watch it the more I think it isn’t a penalty.
United, from that point, should be winning. Either side of half-time, however, their lack of conviction and confidence was on display as both Mckay and Blair Spittal hit tamely at MacDonald from dangerous positions. McKay especially has a tendency to hit shots low and near the goalkeeper. In the end they were fortunate to come away with a point after Craig Slater, playing in a more advanced midfield role, curled a shot off the post.
It is results and circumstances such as Saturday which suggest that it is becoming increasingly unlikely that United are capable of removing themselves from the relegation mire. When Jamie Hamill is playing ludicrous backheels in the middle of the park and you are not beating that team you begin to think your time may be coming to an end.
