Not long after following Jim McIntyre north to Dingwall Billy Dodds is bounding around the corridors of Victoria Park – I steadfastly refuse to use Global Assets Arena – whistling the tune to Pharrell Williams’s Happy and wishing everyone he sees a good day. His smile beams from left to right, still failing to comprehend he has a job at a Premiership club. But for how long? County are in a precarious position with a squad that was put together with a recruitment strategy that screams of a European supermarket sweep, with a pinch of a shop at the local food store which has a blase approach to health and safety.
He gets to his gaffer’s door. He attempts to open it but something is stopping it from opening fully. ‘Gaffer, you there?’ he queries while knocking. There is no reply and he can’t get the door to budge. But he hears a murmur, a light sobbing. ‘Boss?’. Jimmying the door, he manages to squeeze his head around the door. Scanning the room he can’t see anyone. It is only until he looks down he finally sees McIntyre curled up in the foetal position hugging his old Queen of the South managerial jacket with pictures of the Ross County squad (names on the back) discarded across the floor in front of him.
County had just been thumped 5-0 by Celtic at home. They have won only one of their opening 10 games and the faces staring back at McIntyre are a who’s who of footballing crud. Uros Celcer, Tim Dreesen, Jordi Balk, Jim Fenlon, Rosario Latouchent. Derek Adams had effectively picked up a strategy which failed for Mike Basset in the tedious spin-off TV series where he opts against retiring to take charge of Wirral County FC. Watching DVDs of players, Adams and his old man earmarks two or three from the video over a pot of hot coco. Yet they have been duped and others less talented (ie shite) pitch up. Adams, unlike Bassett, did not get the chance of redemption to keep his team up. After realising Adams and his father were trying to out-do Claude Anelka’s insipid recruitment success, County ushered them towards the exit.
‘You . . . alrite, Boss?’ asks Dodds.
‘Jim fuck-*wipes away tear running down his cheek*-ing Fenlon? Jordi Balk?!’
‘More like Jordi Bollocks?’ responds Dodds sheepishly.
McIntyre slowly gets to his feet and looks Dodds in the eye, ‘Billy, it isn’t funny. Rosario Latouchent. I don’t even know who that is,’ shrieking loudly. ‘We have been here more than a month and I don’t think I have seen him. I feel like I am herding cattle at each training session rather than coaching football.’
‘Jim, don’t worry. It can’t get much worse. St Mirren have Tommy Craig. TOMMY CRAIG!!!’ he throws his arms wildly in the air and laughs. ‘We are not getting relegated ahead of a side managed by Tommy Craig. If we can get to January we will be fine.’
‘You’re a good lad, Billy. To think I only gave you a role for the greater good to get you off the BBC . . .’ McIntyre trails off.
Billy queries, ‘What was that, boss?’
‘I thought you were great, not just good, at Dundee United,’ replies McIntyre before whispering ‘slavering buffoon’.
The next win did not appear until November against a dire Kilmarnock side. But that was it in terms of three points until the 14th of February. Two wins in six months of football. In reality County should simply have been euthanised. But due to other teams’ incompetence they remained in the relegation dog fight, alive but severely injured. However, over the months McIntyre and Dodds had been adding to the squad, building to the point where they were one of the form teams in Europe. Back to basics football saw the Staggies record 10 wins in their remaining 14 games to finish in ninth place.
While being impressed with their organisation and hard work I thought County were too basic to progress much further this season. But, boy, have I been wrong. A shrewd recruitment drive as well as better players playing simple football better than last season has propelled the Dingwall side up the table. These improvements and the quality which is coursing through the team were on display on Friday night when County deservedly saw off Aberdeen 1-0.
Lining up in their favoured 4-4-2, Liam Boyce was paired with Brian Graham, the latter making his fourth Premiership start for the Staggies. Although, it was Aberdeen who had the better of the opening stages. As always it was Niall McGinn and Johnny Hayes who were the main attacking threats but there was no substance from their early endeavours and soon Ross County were on top. By just past the 30 minute stage Liam Boyce could easily have notched a hat trick.
The Northern Irishman is very astute at finding the space between the left centre-back and the left full-back. However, whenever he got into scoring positions he was either off target or failed to get significant purchase on his attempts. His time in Scottish football suggest a game like Friday’s is the exception rather than the rule. In fact County fans must have been ecstatic at the way Boyce and Graham linked up and caused Aberdeen’s back four such problems. Derek McInnes said as much in his post-match interview.
We have already witnessed the damage Boyce and Craig Curran can cause defences. Graham has had to bide his time but showed what he had to offer, both in terms of the two goals he scored and his all round game – I have just kicked my cat and went for a walk round the block after writing that. The talk was that McInnes played Paul Quinn at right-back rather than Shay Logan to protect against crosses, corners and balls in the air. It worked as well as Jordan and Dwight Yorke’s relationship.
I may have been slightly critical of County and their style towards the end of last season but they are an enjoyable watch. They play direct football, different from percentage or long ball football. They are not reticent or snobby when it comes to knocking the ball long, but they do it in a way which puts the opposition back line under pressure, allows County to push high and then play in dangerous areas. Graham was a constant nuisance when the ball came forward and with Boyce close by at all times they worked in tandem.
Their partnership could be seen in the build up to the first goal. The ball was just inside the Aberdeen half on the far side of the pitch. They were no more than 10 yards from each other when Boyce clipped the ball over the defence for Richard Foster to chase. It is understandable that Aberdeen were quite content, relaxed even, to allow Foster to run with the ball. Kenny McLean, Mark Reynolds, Andrew Considine and Quinn all treated Foster as if he was a five-year-old playing against his Dad; pretending to put pressure, ushering him towards goal. They all did their damnedest to get out the road and he still almost made a mess of it, the ball eventually rolling into the path of Graham who finished calmly.
Aberdeen’s best football came through the driving runs of Graham Shinnie who was everywhere. *warning I am about to quote Ross in Friends when talking about Monica’s new boyfriend Alan playing baseball* He was like that Bugs Bunny cartoon where Bugs is playing all the positions, but instead of Bugs it was centre midfield-Shinnie, attacking midfield-Shinnie, defence-Shinnie. Two driving runs created openings but McInnes then swapped McLean for Shinnie and the latter’s influence wilted. Willo Flood was a stand-out in the game passing him by. Ryan Jack’s presence became even more apparent as Flood failed to do anything. ANYTHING. McLean was likely pulled back to probe from deep like Jack does so well.
McInnes switched to a back three at half-time but Aberdeen had barely settled before Graham had extended County’s lead. Once again it was a high ball won by Boyce this time. Quinn was unable to react quick enough and Graham was able to run away, I emphasise RUN AWAY, and slot the ball past Danny Ward.
The goal was effectively the turning point in the game. A mixture of Aberdeen pushing to get back into the game and County keeping it tight at the back saw the game became a game of attack and counter-attack. Aberdeen got a lot of joy from Hayes as left wing-back, his crossing ability came to the fore as he turned Marcus Fraser inside out. However, minus an excellent save from on-loan goalkeeper Garry Woods his crosses were repelled by an increasingly impressive County defence.
The man of the match was captain Andrew Davies. He put in an imperious second half performance. Anything that came near him was headed, blocked and cleared. What was most notable was the composure in which he dealt with everything and anything no matter how much pressure he was under. He is a leader at the back who can defend with strength, bravery and intelligence, he possesses a strong reading of the game. Not only that but his presence settles those around him and he can use the ball as well as any defender in the league. He has been one of the signings of the season.
It is County’s whole approach to their defensive responsibilities. I would like to see the running stats of the midfield and strikers as they work to press the opposition and then get back behind the ball to make it difficult to break down. To penetrate County teams are going to have to work as hard with the ball as the Staggies do without it, there will be no easy goals given up. After the side’s 4-0 win at Rugby Park at the start of the season Davies mentioned how meticulous McIntyre is in working at set pieces and such on the training ground, while providing each player with DVDs of the opposition. That is clear in the way they play.
They don’t aimlessly knock the ball wrong but when they need to, they defend and clear their lines first before thinking about playing football. They will rarely be caught in possession in dangerous areas. Aberdeen’s best chance, when McGinn hit the post, came when Michael Gardyne was caught dribbling the ball in field on the half way line.
Teams need to be wary of the counter-attacking threat posed by County with Jackson Irvine in the centre of midfield. Fast becoming my favourite player to watch Irvine rampages forward like a rhino let loose. Opposition players are better running out of his way or they will be bounced away.
I imagine Dodds whispering in McIntyre’s ear, ‘Here, Boss. I have an idea to get the best out of Jackson. A game plan I saw while watching a DVD. It’s called the Flying V . . .‘ County were a constant threat in the second half with Boyce alone passing up three good opportunities.
Johan Cruyff once said, ‘playing football is very simple. But playing simple football is the hardest thing there is‘. Ross County are currently making one of the game’s finest proud.
On Saturday I tweeted that if West Brom were playing in my back garden I would close the curtains before setting fire to my house. With me inside. Motherwell’s meek defeat at home to Celtic and the second half of Sunday’s live game at Tannadice made me want to do similar. Just so it would be over. Saturday afternoon saw Mark McGhee return to Fir Park and judging by the turnout from the home fans they were moist with excitement.
McGhee made bold moves in playing Louis Laing ahead of Keith Lasley in midfield with Lewis Moult and Marvin Johnson stationed left and right of lone striker Wes Fletcher respectively. What was deemed a 4-3-3 transpired to be a 4-Louis Laing wandering about-4-black hole-1. Well were non-existent in an attacking sense. Craig Gordon had one save of note to make when Moult trundled a shot into his hands. It came at him at such a pace that he would have been forgiven for falling asleep as he lay waiting for the ball.
Criticising McGhee for his opening game against Celtic would be extremely harsh but what would this column be without sweeping judgements? All in all McGhee got his team selection wrong and failed to right any failings throughout the game. Johnson was hampered on the right – he is best on the left, driving at the full-back. Laing started relatively competently in front of the defence before losing any sense of positional discipline. He appeared to be awestruck by simply being outside and being able to move. One moment he was in front of the defence, the next he was the most advanced midfield player, while he constantly looked around appearing to be befuddled that there were other players around.
The most disappointing aspect of Motherwell’s afternoon was the lack of pressure they put on a defence which, as a group, had more comedy potential than anything that has been on Comedy Central or E4 for years. I mean, 2 Broke Girls (Kat Dennings’s breasts aside), The Mindy project, Two and a Half Men, any comedian. Give me Efe, Tyler, Dedryck and Emilio any day of the week. But Saturday was a walk in the park.
Celtic did not have have to get out of second gear. Actually, they were rolling down hill in neutral saving petrol for their Europa League clash with Molde. There were still positives to take however. The defence was rarely troubled, Nadir Ciftci scored and looked more assured in a Celtic top, while the type of coach Ronny Deila is he would have been most pleased with the relationship down the left between Emilio Izaguirre and Stuart Armstrong. There were reminders of the partnership the Honduran struck up with Anthony Stokes a season or two back.
I may have wanted to leave Tannadice and head home to set fire to the house at times during the second half of Dundee United-Heart of Midlothian. Or at the very least go to the Troll Inn (£2.50 pints). But six points. Only six points. The Jamborinos are roaring again. Two wins from the summit of the league and a first title win since 1960 – the year Hisamuddin Alam Shah ibni Almarhum Sultan Alaeddin Sulaiman Shah, Sultan of Selangor replaced Tuanku Abdul Rahman ibni Almarhum Tuanku Muhammad as Yang di-Pertuan Agong of Malaysia.
It was not a pretty game. In fact it was a Leigh Griffiths girlfriend of a game. It was the type of match and performance you expect of a team hampered by injuries and chopping and changing as well as one which is bottom of the league. Hearts had the better of the first half, and the match as a whole. Some excellent wing play from Sam Nicholson won the penalty for the only goal of the game. He was found by a sweeping cross field pass from Blazej Augustyn – a feature of Hearts’ game plan. John Souttar should have done much more to show him down the line where there is less danger on the United goal and making it easier for his defence as a whole to defend.
Rather than kick on from that point Hearts regressed into a compact shape, perhaps still down on confidence after recent results. But fortunately United had as much confidence as me urinating in public.
Mixu conjured up a 4-4-2 diamond. But weaknesses were apparent throughout. He played a full-back at centre half, a centre half at full-back and a Sean Dillon at left-back. Aaron Kuhl offered technique and passing range at the base. But Fraser was anonymous at the tip of the diamond, while the front two were given little service. There are glaring problems when the left side consists of John Rankin and Sean Dillon.
Neil Alexander had an even easier game between the sticks than he did when Cowdenbeath were swept aside 10-0. Igor Rossi headed everything. I’m sure I witnessed a pigeon fly into his air space before being brutally headed into Dens Park. The rest of the back three looked assured, while Miguel Pallardo was back to being more proficient than Fireman Sam in putting out fires. The biggest danger for Hearts was the injury count and United’s rough tactics against the swashbuckling, tiki-taka masters that are Hearts and their slight, dynamic maestros. There was even a moment when Igor Rossi showed he was a dab hand at physiotherapy with some unorthodox techniques on Jordan McGhee. Techniques that I only usually seen after typing ‘interracial lesbians’ into the YouJizz search bar.
Igor Rossi is my favourite guy ever pic.twitter.com/iUfBZEtVjd
— Robert Borthwick (@RFBorthwick) October 18, 2015
As explained succinctly by Michael Stewart on Sportscene – they should just stick to Stewart and Pat Nevin – Hearts were out on their feet yet United failed to stretch the game and make the most of the wide areas, continuing to play extremely narrow. All in all it was a GIGANTIC three points for the Famous. Defeat and we would have been only five points ahead of them.
The reason the Gorgie would only have been five points ahead of the Kilmarnock is because they won against Inverness Caledonian Thistle. You may be thinking ‘Joel, you must be getting a bit worried here. Gary Locke could make you look like a right fud’. First of all I have no pride or dignity or self respect left to lose. I am 26 and was sick on myself last week. Second of all, and this relates to point one, I am a fud. Third of all. It’s Gary Locke. The Tim Sherwood of the Scottish Premiership.
Who would have thought that not having Jamie Hamill and Scott Robinson in the centre of midfield could bring results. And then there is Josh Magennis. He is going to France. To Euro 2016. He is going to be a Panini sticker. You could actually get Josh Magennis in the same pack as Cristiano Ronaldo. And I know who I want!
Judging by the highlights he looked excellent. In the main he was using his substantial physique. Strength, height, power. He set up Greg Kiltie’s excellent strike with a chested knockdown. Then in the build up to his own goal, Josh Meekings opted against challenging him, allowing the striker to again chest the ball down to a team mate before powering into the space and firing the ball into the back of the net with the aid of a deflection. It was not only destructive forward play but there was game intelligence to it it as well.
Often a joke figure, Magennis’s exploits for his country have acted as a stimulus to further improvements in his game. He is already an early favourite for our most improved award. Who would have thought that Magennis would be a stick-on to play ahead of Kris Boyd.
As for Inverness, it is not a result to cause great concern. It would be intriguing to know just how much John Hughes wanted the Dundee United job and whether that had any effect in the build up. As Hughes said in his post-match press conference ICT tend to have a result like this every now and then but it simply acts as a kick up the bahooky.
St Johnstone 23/20 at home to Partick Thistle. Thank you, Mcbookie. I’ll be taking my profit and be on my way. Thistle 2-0 ahead at half-time. What? Just what?! I am still not keen on Thistle’s squad in comparison with others around them in the league but it is a huge win to make it two wins on the trot. However, they simply can’t rely on two thunderous strikes each week.
Like ICT, St Johnstone have results like these in them. They have still failed to keep a clean sheet but for once, at least there weren’t glaring mistakes. They’ll bounce back and wonder how long before Darnell Fisher and Steven Anderson are drafted into the side.
This is a cry for help.
And last but not least. Dundee’s 1-1 draw with Hamilton at New Douglas Park. We talked about Dundee on Monday’s show. They are incredibly inconsistent and that is shown in their team from week to week. While possessing a good squad, they can be too reliant on players with injury problems. It would have hurt Hartley to drop two points against 10 men but the way Hamilton have progressed any point(s) gained at New Douglas Park will be very much welcomed come the season end.
Hamilton were excellent after going down to 10 men, putting Dundee under constant pressure eventually earning a deserved equaliser. But that red card. Other than Thomas Konrad you can only find the extreme stupidity hilarious. Darian Mackinnon stamped on a player who was vertical. When the ball is on the ground. You know, if he did that on the street . . .
