There may be some serious problems in the world but are they really worse than Scottish referees? Joel Sked looks back the Premiership action.
Pink Floyd’s emotive Wish You Were Here fades away as the mourners, head to toe in black barring the maroon and white scarves hanging solemnly from their shoulders, rise to their feet. The trouser tightening tone of Hector Nicol begins.
‘Away up in Gorgie at Tynecastle Park . . .‘
The silence is such that you can almost hear tears drop to the floor, faces hidden behind palms or consolingly dug into neighbours’ shoulder. The coffin is carried in on the shoulders of Alim Ozturk and Juanma Delgado, Callum Paterson and Prince Buaben, Osman Sow and Igor Rossi. Standing proud but unable to shake the distinctive look of injustice.
Robbie Neilson is radiant at the front of the church. Alone but with a brave, strong face. Actually he’s not alone. Steve Crawford is hidden by his shadow. Across the aisle Craig Levien tries his best to comfort an inconsolable Ann Budge, her arms draped around the Championship trophy. Her Championship trophy.
‘. . . The best in the laaaaaand!‘
The coffin is laid to rest and the service has barely begun when a scream of ‘COLLLLLLL-UUUUUUMMMMMM‘ echoes around the room. Budge collapses to the floor.
It has not even been a week since the death of Heart of Midlothian Football Club’s title challenge. The triumph, which looked inevitable since the moment of their promotion from the Championship, was murdered. Murdered by the villainous Willie Collum. A crime which has not seen any punishment. A repeat offender but with an impenetrable legal team.
Saturday night saw hordes of indignant Hearts fans descend on Castle Collum. Fire, sticks and pitchforks. A lone figure at the window, draped in silk robes, like a Hugh Heffener who has lived his life eating Fray Bentos. Sipping his Sunny Delight, a slimey smirk flashes across his face. The face of a protected man.
New Douglas Park was effulgent in the sun. But it wasn’t. It is New Douglas Park, a ground which is eclipsed by a Morrison’s. Yet, it was sunny, warm and Hearts had sold out their allocation while Hamilton were going strong in the league after being widely tipped for a return to the Championship. The Jamborinos started positively, which has not always been the case, but progress was halted and momentum maintained by frequent fouling from the home team – Accies finished with seven bookings. Anton Kurakins in particular had a tough afternoon, his challenge on Jamie Walker arguably the worst of the lot.
But this is not a Hamilton team furnished with hammer throwers. They are energetic and aggressive. It was this combination which saw them get a foothold in the match. They pressed Hearts high and stopped any football being played through Prince Buaben and Morgaro Gomis. They also created the half’s best chances with Gramoz Kurtaj running through on goal only to morph into Diana Ross when it mattered most. Later another glorious opportunity was blazed over the bar following a swift counter attack before a curious attempt to cut out a long ball but Ozturk was punished by an opportunistic Kurtaj.
It was a half-time lead which Hamilton deserved. Ali Crawford was enjoying a positive game at the top of the Accies midfield. A lack of protection from the away side’s attacking trident behind Juanma left Gomis and Buaben stretched, opening up space for Crawford and his dangerous long range shooting, Alexander tipping one effort over the bar.
The second half was manic, exciting, farcical. Hamilton continued to press high with Hearts failing to find a rhythm, bypassing the press by looking for Sow, who was having one of his more laid back games, and Juanma. The Spaniard had used his pace and strength to trouble Hamilton’s centre back partnership before Lucas got to grips with the contest. One of the few times Alexander was able to play short saw Hearts move the ball swiftly into attack resulting in the dancing feet of Billy King bringing Hearts level. Minutes later a venomous volley from Paterson gave McGovern no chance. Without playing well the league leaders were ahead *insert mark of true champions cliché*
But the decisive moment was to come. Paterson, who had tussled all afternoon with Kurtaj, won possession but as the ball got away from him he slid into Darian Mackinnon. At the match I immediately thought red card but I was behind the incident. Seeing it again on Sportscene it is clear Collum is best placed to see the challenge. The challenge where Paterson is in control. The challenge where he keeps his foot planted on the ground. The challenge where he wins the ball.
The challenge sent Mackinnon spinning in the air, like Mario when he is killed in Super Mario Land. The subsequent reaction from both Mackinnon and Kurtaj suggested it was a horrible challenge which understandably can influence a decision. In this case the wrong decision. The game was brought to a halt for a good five minutes with Kevin McHattie receiving a yellow card for continually chucking Paterson’s shin pads back onto the pitch.
Now the Champions-in-waiting were up against it. Ten men to Hamilton’s 12. A football club against an organisation. An organisation that quite clearly influenced Robbie Neilson to keep on a barely mobile Prince Buaben who was incapable of controlling the football, pushing the ball to Crawford. A venomous strike followed. A great talent in the division who is adept at shooting off either foot.
Hearts were now ragged. And it was a ragged way they would lose the game. Again an inability to clear a corner influenced by the organisation which runs and controls the game. The puppet masters who like the same story year after year.
A fully deserved win by Hamilton who controlled the ball and space and possess a true match winner in Crawford . . . And the villainous mercenary Collum. The man of 41 teams.
A few miles west the only team to keep their 100 per cent record in tact was the Dandy Dons. Aberdeen now emerge as odds-on favourites for the league . . . Until the organisations puppet masters collect their strings and venture North (my column, my narrative).
The 2-0 victory over a humdrum Partick Thistle side was as comfortable as it was expected. A listless first half gave way to an interesting second. Thistle had their one spell of dominance, lasting all of 350 seconds until what is seen as a controversial decision put Aberdeen ahead. Adam Rooney deflected the ball onto his arm before sweeping in the opener. It is understandable why Thistle fans would be incandescent, but the letter of the law states it is a perfectly legal goal – I am sure there is a particular qualified referee out there who will correct me if I am wrong.
Once you find yourself behind Aberdeen you are done for. Unlike the pretenders to the title Celtic, the Dons do not give up chances. The Reds are that parsimonious friend who knows how to dodge the round until The Hive where they proceed to order six bottles of out of date Carlsbergs for a total of £1.80. God, those people are the worse!
In attack they have four or five match winners. Players who will make the difference when the team is floundering, having an off day or have their backs to the wall. The second goal demonstrated the intent they have in the final third with a Niall McGinn cross landing in a box where five Dons players were waiting, Kenny MacLean eventually tucking away his fifth of the season.
Five from five yet we are waiting for an excellent performance where everything clicks. A sell-out crowd awaits Celtic and a top of the table clash in just under two weeks time.
After a shoddy display in Sweden Celtic had to bounce back against St Johnstone in front of an intimidating apathetic support. And oh bhoy it did not start well. St Johnstone’s one penetrative source of attacking intent, Michael O’Halloran, stuck his chest out, pushed the ball in front of him and ran for the touch line like Jonah Lomu trampling over lifeless carcasses. His cut back was ignored by Craig Gordon before being tapped in by the predatory Dedryck Boyata.
While their defence may be auditioning for their part in Jason Cundy’s Comical Calamities, found in Asda bargain baskets this December, Celtic have a variety to their attack which keeps their heads above sea level. Leigh Griffiths was aided by a couple of deflections before Tom Rogic waltzed Celtic into the lead. Both Murray Davidson, who was more interesting in trying to tickle Rogic, and Dave Mackay, who acted like a dad pretending to tackle his four year old son, should have done better.
The moment of the second half was Craig Gordon’s double save. Quite ordinary in comparison to the triple save he pulled off against Sparta Prague, but a fine piece of pogo stick goalkeeping. Down to stop Joe Shaugnessy’s flick. Back up and then down again to turn O’Halloran’s around the post. No mean feat for a ‘keeper of Gordon’s height. It is the type of save which goalkeepers practice every day in training, but only the very best can pull it off when it matters.
The worry for Aberdeen is that Celtic have only dropped two points while they have been in a state of flux, with concentration diverted to qualifying for the Champions League. With the window closing Ronny Deila will be able to use the international break to forge a strategy to get Celtic on the correct path in terms of integrating new faces, finding a balance between defence and attack and the balance between European commitments and chasing the treble.
Up north Dundee United’s underwhelming start to the season continued with a defeat to in form Ross County. Yet, there are positives to take, namely the signing and assimilation of Billy Mckay. Mckay demonstrated his nous at leading the line; first there was the strength and know-how to hold of Davies, turn and play in Ryan Dow before there was his owl-like awareness and touch to send Dow scampering through again. Both times Dow was thwarted by the increasingly sound Scott Fox.
The hope that going up against the intelligence of Mckay in training will help improve the United backline. It was another tough afternoon for Mark Durnan et al. His reaction to the penalty decision suggested he did handle the ball, claiming a push forced him to do so. Before Durnan, again, who lost Andrew Davies for the second.
It was another two goals for County that came from crosses. The addition of Jonathan Franks looks shrewd. He fits into the 4-4-2 structure, offering a more orthodox approach in the wide areas. One signing who has so far proved himself has been Fox, contributing a more reliable base than County had last season. His presence a comforting factor which spreads to defence. Although Sean Dillon’s raking, 30-yard bender may have been saved by a taller goalkeeper. Sorry Sean, sorry Scott but I want Gary Neville’s seat on Monday Night Football and being harsh on goalkeepers is a prerequisite of the job. Now I just have to play 400+ games in the English Premier League and strike up a rapport with Ed Chamberlain ad Jamie Carragher. They read this, right?
Another meeting between a Dundee and Highland league side took place at Dens Park where almost nothing happened in the first half. An Iain Vigurs mishit that trundled wide of the post aside it was devoid of any excitement. However, and apologies if I sound like Martin Tyler commentating on Chelsea v Manchester United, but there was enough tactical intrigue to pique the interest of a soporific bore like myself.
Inverness were well-organised with Ross Draper joining Greg Tansey in midfield and Carl Tremarco moving infield to centre back. They were a lot more Terry Butcher than John Hughes but they prevented any Dundee penetration. Greg Stewart drifting in field meant there was little width, while Inverness’ wide men also preferred central positions. This opened space for the full-backs but only one of the four took advantage of the open plain in front of them. Raven set up the Vigurs chance before going for goal himself in the second with a lovely curled effort with his weaker foot.
From then on it was a case of putting up the wall, HOLD and head back north with the three points. But then Danny Devine was drafted into the NBA, mistaking a cross for an alley-oop. He was let off by Stewart but then in stoppage time Kane Hemmings punished Tremarco and Devine’s star-gazing as a long ball swept over their heads.
And so to Motherwell v Kilmarnock. Last week I expected this to be higher up the order but . . . aaaaaaarrrrggghhhhhh. Why do these two teams hate football so much? I tried to watch this game on BBC Alba. I tried. I really, really tried. Normal pace, x2, x6, x12, x30, stop, turn the TV off, hide the remote, curl up in a ball and listen to Never Ever by the All Saints on loop.
First Motherwell. They were better than Kilmarnock. Ironic applause please. What they have is an idea and structure behind their attacking. Scott MacDonald was dropping deep to link play as well as the exciting and precocious Dom Thomas. One of the few players on the pitch who doesn’t realise he is playing in a team going nowhere. Positive, proactive and unfazed as opposed to timid, scared and plain vanilla.
Time to sit down . . . I agree with Gary Locke in that I think the referee get the penalty decision wrong. What he said after was nonsense because Killie did little to get themselves out their predicament. Tope Obadeyi offered a bit more direction in attack but that was about that. That’s enough. I’ve had enough.
Written by Joel Sked (@sked21)
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