Mad Sutty, eh? Whit’s he like?
I’m guessing most of you have seen it by now, either the original BT Sport footage, or a clip on YouTube, or that stupendous Vine doing the rounds on Twitter where a pair of shades float onto his face and a spliff floats into his mouth after he’s said it.
I am of course referring to the latest incidence of Chris Sutton “dropping the mic”, as the young social media types put it, during BT Sport’s coverage of Kilmarnock’s 1-1 draw with Rangers last Friday night. This was the exchange, if you missed it:
DARRELL CURRIE: “Are Celtic favourites for that game?” (referring to Rangers’ visit to Parkhead on September 10th)
CHRIS SUTTON: “Yes.”
CURRIE: “Why?”
SUTTON: “Because Rangers’ centre-halves are horrendous.”
I must have watched the clip at least 20 times since Friday, sometimes howling with laughter, sometimes quietly zoning in on the fascinating minutiae – Stephen Craigan’s 1,000 yard stare, Alex Rae’s Brent-esque sidewards glance at Currie, Currie’s hilarious “That’s a good way to end tonight” sign off.
Remember the days when we used to have to watch Bo Selecta or So Graham Norton to get our fix of risqué, cringe-inducing Friday night comedy? Well, no more, because now we can tune in to BT Sport live from places like Rugby Park or Pittodrie and see Currie, Craigan and co cower from the fire-breathing dragon that is Big Sutty. It’s just a shame that BT, for all their technological advances, haven’t yet offered us ‘hotel bar cam’, so we can watch the drunken aftermath where Craigan finally snaps and goes after Sutton with a broken bottle, Currie scrambling to break it up, Michael Stewart making snidey comments about the combatants’ technique, Derek Rae leaping onto a table to commentate on the action, finally having found an appropriate time and place to unleash all his Game of Thrones references.
There is a semi-serious point buried in amongst all this nonsense. Sutton’s punditry has now reached the stage where it’s become ‘a thing’, a cultural phenomenon even, and with that comes the usual slightly tiresome for/against debate that we get with every outspoken public figure nowadays, be it Piers Morgan, Jeremy Clarkson or Simon Cowell.
Some will tell you that Sutton is obnoxious, that his style is needlessly confrontational, that he’s just another product of a Robbie Savage-led generation of pundits that are far more interested in saying something controversial than saying something insightful.
Others will argue that Sutton is just being honest, that his style is a refreshing alternative, that he’s a fearless crusader during an era of stunningly bland pundits (ahem, looking at you, Mark Wilson) on Scottish TV who lack either the balls to deliver a controversial opinion or the intelligence to think one up in the first place.
Then there’s the issue of bias. Sutton has certainly put the boot into Rangers more than once this season, but on occasions like Friday night it’s the tactless way of expressing the point, and not the point itself, that seems to get people’s backs up. Anyone that seen the absolute invective Sutton poured on Ronny Deila throughout last season will know he’s unafraid to unload on Celtic when the situation demands it.
Personally, I find myself somewhat conflicted. Because be in no doubt – Sutton is a fanny. I say that as someone who grew up idolising the man, who was once employed to slap sale stickers on copies of the ‘Sutton Impact’ DVD, and who thought at the time that his speech about Dunfermline lying down on the last day of the 2002/03 season was a better piece of oratory than Martin Luther King Jr’s “I have a dream” speech.
The problem is that even when he’s right, he runs the risk of appearing wrong. And a lot of the time he is right, opinionating Craigan, Rae, Scott McDonald or whoever else BT Sport have on under the table. Throughout all of the polemics of Scottish Premiership season 2016/17 – and there has been a ridiculous amount considering we’re only four weeks into it – Sutton has consistently hit the nail on the head. But his tone is often so vitriolic that you question yourself for agreeing with him. It’s a bit like suddenly discovering your political views align with those of Donald Trump.
Essentially, Sutton’s a troll. In fact, he was a grand master of Troll Academy long before Joey Barton ever enrolled. But can anyone honestly say his presence on the panel wouldn’t enrich your viewing experience of Ross County v Partick Thistle on a dreich Friday night in November? He might be a fanny, but he’s the fanny Scottish football needs.
Written by Scott Fleming