Paul Telfer

Name: Paul Norman Telfer

DOB: 21/10/71

POB: Edinburgh

Position: Right back, centre back, right wing back

Clubs: Luton Town, Coventry
City, Southampton, Celtic,
Bournemouth, Leeds United, Slough
Town, Sutton United

International Caps: 1

This is certain to be the most boring “Where Are They Now”
profile we have done yet. I mean, is there anything more boring in football
than the average, dependable full-back with little skill and less glamour? This
is particularly true of right backs. At least their teammate on the opposite
flank has the oddity of being left footed or, curiously enough, right footed
but filling in admirably on the wrong side. But a no-nonsense right back takes
mundane to dangerously boring levels. Put it another way: it’s the position
that has enabled Robbie Neilson to become an international footballer.

We’d be surprised if you’re still reading on right now, you
clearly are a true Scottish football anorak if you want to hear about what Paul
Telfer got up to in his career. We come to that conclusion, partly, because Telfer
himself wouldn’t read about his football career. While there are many an
unspectacular football player applying his trade, few admit to having a
nonchalance towards the sport. It stands to reason that these limited players
become professionals in the first place due to the unwavering love of the game.
Well not this laddie. Maybe if he actually liked football he could have been
something other than a reliable option for Coventry and disdained by Celtic supporters.

Despite being born in Edinburgh
he made his breakthrough with Luton
Town, as you do, back in
1988. The seven year spell at Kenilworth
  Road was happy enough; establishing himself in the
first team in an era which considered Luton a
fairly sizeable name in English league football.

1995 saw a move to the English Premiership and the beginning
of a long football relationship with Gordon Strachan. Remember how Jim
Jefferies used to take Gary Locke to every club with him, like a clear case of
nepotism confused by the lack of relation between the two? Well Telfer and
Strachan had a similar relationship. He performed relatively well at the higher
level but was a part of Strachan’s Coventry
side that was finally relegated after over 30 years in the top flight.

It was ok for Strachan, because despite having clearly
failed in the West Midlands he was granted a Premier League reprieve when Southampton hand picked him to steer their club away from
the dangers of relegation. Despite obliterating Coventry
City out of the public conscious,
Strachan performed admirably at Southampton,
soon joined by Telfer, guiding the club to an FA Cup Final in 2003 where they
narrowly lost to highly favoured Arsenal. Although, it should be noted that
Telfer started the match at right midfield, which tells all you need to know about
the underdog’s gameplan that afternoon.

With his reputation rebuilt, Strachan was able to leave the
south coast on his own terms and have a wider spectrum from which to pick his
next job in football, which he did astutely by joining Celtic in 2005. Naturally
Telfer followed him to Kerrydale
  Street. Two league titles in successive seasons
followed, but the Celtic
Park crowd never took to
the full-back. Their perception was that someone with a pedigree of playing
English top flight football for a decade should look a little bit more like a
footballer than Telfer did. His dependability wasn’t appreciated in a team that
was expected to outclass every other opponent in the league, particularly at a
time when Rangers were floundering first under Alex McLeish and then Paul Le
Guen.

His exit from Parkhead in 2007 sparked Telfer into bringing
his planned retirement forward. Oddly enough, for someone who apparently had no
interest in football, he then returned to playing, before retiring once more,
then returning again and finally hanging his boots up for good. He went from
nonchalance to a punch drunk boxer who cannot stand the withdrawal from the
thrills of the sport. It’s safe to say money probably had something to do with
it.

Regardless of his reasons, Bournemouth were the first to
benefit with the player doing the honourable thing after 18 games by cancelling
his contract after it was announced the club was in dire financial straits. The
second comeback came the following summer, joining Gary McAllister at Leeds
United. Telfer used his experience to fill in at the unfamiliar centre back
position, but was dropped from the side once new boss Simon Grayson acted upon
the glaring lack of pace that was continually costing Leeds,
and McAllister his job.

Where is he now? Telfer, now apparently in love with
football, joined Sutton United as a player coach in 2011 where he remains to
this day.

Show: Dave The Ukrainian